Longing to Live in the Painful Reality of My Longings

Who would have thought that accepting life's discomfort would bring comfort?

It is interesting that Lily, the main character in The Secret Life of Bees (yes, another Sue Monk Kidd book :) ), wanted to rid herself of the pain of longing and then plumbed the depths of it when she goes searching for her mother. It is a gut-wrenching paradox that like a moth to a flame we are drawn to the pain of our longings.

Sometimes I feel like I bask in my unmet longings, as though there is some feverish thrill in feeling the pain of some part of me that is missing. Of course, this is fully hinged on the hope that what is missing will someday be replaced. I flirt with the longing that causes me so much pain. I cannot leave it alone. I think this is also known as the hope of Heaven.

The shameful pain of this is that I will sometimes try to manipulatively "beat" getting my longings met out of people around me when it hits that fever pitch known as nearly unbearable. This is the part of the paradox that leaves me kicking and screaming. All of this pain and longing. All of these people surrounding me. And not one of us walks without the crippled pain of our longings. Not one of us doesn't want to rob someone else of his cane, or crutch, to feel better, even momentarily.

So God, where do we find you in this? The answer is in the redemptive work of the cross. You intentionally let yourself feel longing. The longing for close relationship with the people you created. And then, more gut-wrenching than anything, longing for relationship with your Son. You wanted to keep Him right next to you, but you let Him go. I don't get this. I don't want to get this. But what I do get is that I am not alone in this. Thank You, God, for that.